The Things Celebrities Do To Their Children


I think we all know I love to pick on celebrities. (It’s the main reason I never want to be one. Seriously. Ever.) My criticisms are usually for over the top stupidity, disgusting selfishness, or a combination of the two. Come on. Some of them are pretty ridiculous. I’ll excuse a few things as the result of being in the public eye 24/7, but when they’ve left all logic behind to embrace the worst aspects of humanity–when they flaunt their lack of respect for everyone else on the planet–well, that annoys me.

My complaint today comes from an article I read about a famous person who decided to prove to the world that they don’t like their kid. What am I talking about? The names they dump on poor, unsuspecting infants.

Because I couldn’t find a link that wasn’t filled with slow-loading ads and forced me to click through a slideshow that resulted in more ads, I decided to compile my own list here in an easily-scrollable manner. Now, shake your head in condescension with me:

1. Barbara Hershey named her son “Free.”

2. Gwen Stefani dumped “Zuma Nesta Rock” on her kid.

3. Jermaine Jackson:  “Jermajesty”

4. Penn Jillette: “Moxie Crimefighter”

5. Rob Morrow:  “Tu”

6. Frank Zappa:  “Moon Unit”

7. John Cougar Mellencamp:  “Speck Wildhorse”

8. Jason Lee:  “Pilot Inspektor”

9. Sylvester Stallone:  “Sage Moonblood”

10. Bob Geldof and Paula Yates:  “Fifi Trixiebell”

11. Shannyn Sossamon:  “Audio Science”

12. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West:  “North West”

13. David Duchovny and Tea Leoni: “Kyd”

14. Ashlee Simpson:  “Bronx Mowgli”

I think that’s enough. I’m not even going to bring up Gwyneth Paltrow. Really, what’s a fruit here or there when you have people naming their kids “Blanket,” “Pirate,” and “Camera?” Yes, these things really happened.

And they make me sad.

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2 Responses to The Things Celebrities Do To Their Children

  1. datmama4 says:

    I knew a couple who named their kids Dakota, Montana, and some river name I can’t remember now. No, not where they were born…where they were conceived. TMI, people, TMI.

    I’ve always felt bad for the Zappa kids. Dweezil? Really? At least Ahmet got away with something a little more common.

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